Life As I Know It

Whoever said ignorance is bliss had no idea what they were talking about. Not only is ignorance not bliss, but it is also extremely frsutrating, stressful, and harmful to many parts of your life. Especially when it comes to your relationships with other people.

Life right now is not exactly what I would call happy. When pretty much the only person that ever talks to you during the school day is ignoring you and you sit in the middle of the classroom by yourself, clueless about what your doing, and alone. And then you sit and think, and the more you think the more it hurts and the more you wish you could be apathetic. No one ever said it was mature to ingore someone, or to deny that you are ignoring someone that you clearly are, and definitely no one ever said it was loving and forgiving and compassionate. Annoying more and more people seems to be a constant unintentional thing that I do to people. The problem is that people assume that the annoyance is completely intentional or something, either that or they are faulting me for not being perfect as if I could help it. That really frustrates me, not being able to become perfect, always falling, always failing, no matter how much I plead with God to help me never being able to be perfect in this sinful body of mine with my digustingly sinful nature. It is a struggle, and to some may seem stupid, but it is a legit struggle for me in my life. Nor does it help when the imperfect people around me seem to highlight my imperfections to even a greater extent. God help me.

I was reading a devotional study that I am trying to go through, and I came across something that rather struck me. The saying 'Life isn't fair' is rather a horrible thing. People have a sense of justice. And just because life might not be fair does not mean that you should act unfairly. God is just. It says so in 2 Thessalonias 1:6, "God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you." And this is God we are talking about, PERFECTION. Why should we intentionally act unjustly toward others? Everyone knows that when you act unfairly it has bad consequences, it opens us up to disappointment, dishonor, and shame. Now friends may be difficult, but to act justly toward them is honoring to God. That does not mean that if the slap you in the face you need to slap them back, because in reality that is revenge not justice, and therefore the right thing to do may be to show mercy. We need to ask God for the wisdom to know what to do and to not act unjustly.

This song has made me cry many times before, and yet it has a sort of sorrowful comfort in it:
Oh, and when I am alone.
Oh, and when I am alone.
Oh, and when I am alone,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus!
Give me Jesus!
Oh, and when I am alone,
Give me Jesus.

Friends

God made us to have relationships with one another. God has given me some of the most amazing friends in the entire world. And because life is not easy and I am far from a perfect person, these friendships certainly do not always go "right" or "as planned". But I know with all my heart that my best friends are forever. We may fight, argue, cry, ignore, compete, be stubborn, unsympathetic, insult, or hurt one another, but I know that those things could only end up bringing us closer. I am certain that God did not just put these amazing people in my life for me to use and dispose of. My friends are truely God-given, because in my hardest times those are most of the people that God used to help me cope, and I can only hope that God uses me in the same way for them. I heard an expression once that said something like:"What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." Sometimes I think that's exactly how God uses the 'bad' situations. Having friends like I do is enough proof in and of itself for me to believe in a loving God. Thank you God. Especially for Harim and Grace, because they have done more for me in the past couple years than I can even comprehend. Gotta luv those besties <3

Summer Time Part 2

Ok, so I sorta failed with updating you all with the rest of my summer, but it happens. Basically I had an AMAZING time with family this summer, and I also spent two weeks at Camp Orchard Hill (in Dallas, PA). That was a blast, and it definitely helped to give me a better perspective of my future despite the difficulties. I made aMAZing friends there, and I really felt like I had known them most of my life after less than a week, and by the end of the second week we were all practically family. I definitely hope I get to see them all again someday. I also started an online British Literature coarse, which currently I am waaaaaaaay behind on, so yeah, prayer would be great :) Apart from that my summer was chill when I got back from camp. Well chill minus surviving an earthquake and a hurricane both in one week.... yep, that was my summer 2011 in PA :)

Nearing Summer...

Exams: only two more days left of them. Hopefully they won’t be too hard, but only two more days and the school work for the school year is officially oooooooooooooooover!!!!! :D

It is almost summer, which I both eagerly await and wish would never come.... Summer, the time of year when there is "abundant sleep" and "no hard school work" to deal with, and also the anticipation of getting to see family members that are greatly missed. Summer, also the time when school ends and where you travel and generally do not see any friends, and sometimes is the last time you ever see some friends. I am not at all looking forward to that part of the summer. I am rather scared that this end of the school year will turn out much like it was two years ago. I am just hoping and praying, and that I will be able to accept whatever God does, because He has a plan. And I am praying that I and everyone else affected by it will be able to cope with His plan, because in the end He does know what is best.

On a positive note, I am very much eagerly awaiting summer because I simply love the last two half-days of school (basically you come to school to socialize with all of your friends). And also, in just a little more than a week I will be in Antalya for Olive Grove!! And let me just say, I love camp :) This will be my sixth time going to Olive Grove, which is crazy to think about. I cannot wait to hang with my camp friends and well as some friends from home here in Ankara :) Also, at least I’ll be doing something active at camp, because every since the play ended, I’ve been feeling awfully lazy *sigh*.

Speaking of the play, Oasis’s Production of ‘Cheaper by the Dozen’ was a success!!!!!! All the performances went rather well with only very minimal mistakes, and people seemed to enjoy it :) I suppose you guys might want to see some pictures??? :) Well I'll post them soon, very soon ;)

So my first plans of course for the summer are spending two weeks in Antalya, Turkey at Olive Grove!! Then we come back to Ankara and spend about two weeks here just chilling. After all, since it will be the middle of July I do not think anyone will really be around to hang out with *sigh*. After that we are off to the US, and possibly going to some country in Europe for a couple days on the way there. Our first week in the US will be spent at the shore with my mom’s side of the family for a week. We’ll be somewhere in New Jersey…. but I cannot wait to see everyone, especially to see my little cousins!! They are getting so big its unbelievable. Skylar, I remember when she was born and I think she’s almost 7 or 8 now!! :O And Krew-buddy, he’s getting so big and tall!! And little Lina Love!! I feel like she was just born!! But she’s the cutest two year old I know :) So big now. The following week we’ll be traveling down to Deep Creek Lake, Maryland to spend a week with my dad’s side of the family!! We did this two years ago and it was so much fun, so it is much anticipated :) Katrina!! Can’t wait to see you and hang :) Then right after that I am going to a Christian camp in Dallas, Pennsylvania for two weeks called Camp Orchard Hill. I am attending a leadership training program there, and I really am looking forward to it :) This will actually be the first time that I will be exposed to genuine American teenagers that aren’t my cousins, so it’ll be interesting to see what it’s like. And I know Mr.Meyer is psyched cause he says I have to call him JJ at camp, lol :D After COH I will be spending about another week in the US to spend time with family and do all the fun stuff like doctor’s and dentist’s appointments :P And then we will be heading back to Ankara a day before school starts again!! Sounds fun, right?? ;) Oh yes, I forgot to mention, on top of all this craziness, I will be taking an online British Literature class over the course of the summer. This will allow me to possibly graduate at the end of next school year if I want to. This is because we do not know exactly how much longer we will be living here, and I really would love to graduate from Oasis, because I love this school to death. I practically live there during the school year after all. And I’ve been attending since 5th grade, one of the “old timers” here, so I’ve grown pretty attached. But at the same time, I’m not so sure that I want to graduate a year ahead of my class, and two years ahead of people my age. I don’t know, we’ll see what God has in store for me.

I’ll conclude by saying that there are people in this world that mean the world to me. Certain people that I know that I will stay in contact with for the rest of my life because of what they mean to me. I thank God for these people every day. And I know that know matter how close or far apart in the world we are, that friendship reaches over any distance (and thank God for facebook!! ;)).

Also, you guys should check out my website that I’ve been making pretty much since the beginning of 2011. Hope you guys like it, and I’m trying to make as many improvements as I can as quickly as I can: http://kalista1996.20x.cc/

Trust

Trust is such a difficult thing. I daily struggle with trusting God, which often leads to mis-trusting others.
Not too long ago my grandad, (we call him Poppy), got in a serious car accident. When I first heard about it I was more scared than anything else. I have never lost a family memeber before, and I certainly was not ready to now. I prayed repeatedly, and I instantly started asking others for prayer, and in the days that followed. My first reaction was to panic, and I knew that I needed to pray. But, I still felt scared, taking my fears to God, but I still had a lack of trust. Not too long after I heard the bad news, I found out that he was going to be ok, even though he was seriously injured. He was driving a big truck in the accident, and a picture appeared in the news. The day after, my mom showed me the picture of his truck. The whole passenger compartment in the front looked completely crushed, and I really did not know how anyone could have survived it. It was surely a miracle from God. I found out he did have many injuries, many teeth knocked out, teeth jammed in his lip, a fractured bone in the knee area, and one of the bones in his vertebrate was broken. Also, we found of that the engine of the truck had fallen back into the passenger seat beside him. If it would have fallen on him it would have killed him.
God really does do miracles, even minor ones in our lives that we tend to ignore.
That has been a lesson of trust for me, that God can do miracles.
Also, I have been having trouble trusting God about my future for what seems like forever now. It's always up and down, thinking I know what God has planned for me, and then going right back into confusion. I am really scared of my future, and I think that is why I am having trust issues with God, yet God has proven to come through so many times, I just do not understand why I am not completely trusting God. It sounds like I should just trust God then, no problemo, ya know?? Well is is certainly not the case. Prayers appriciated. I need to trust God that he'll have me where he needs me. I'm thinking, hoping, and praying that this place God needs me for next year is Turkey. After all, I just got some very exciting news that Sevda is comming back next year!! :) Could this be why God has brought me to Turkey? So many questions with what seems like so little answers. Obviously that is not why God has brought me to Turkey if we must leave this summer. This is what scares me. I do not know exactly why God has brought me here, and placed me in the class that I am in. For a time it may have seemed like Kamelya was my purpose, and for the longest time I felt like a huge purpose in my life was to bring Kamelya to faith. As we can all see, that obviously was not God's plan, especially for that point in time. People mess up all the time, it may have been my mistake, it may have been hers. But one thing I know for sure is that God has a plan, and his purpose will be done. He is a miracle-worker. God has a plan for me, and I know I trust him with that. So from there I just need to grow closer to God. God has given me sooooo much. A great family, amazing friends :), and all types of important people in my life. And I think I have learned something from just about all of them.

March Madness

Ok, so March Madness totally does not account for just basketball for me. In fact it accounts for just about everything but basketball since I really am not a fan of watching any sports :P But anyway, I'm gonna write about what an awesome month I had.
To start off the month nothing much happened, but I have to say right around my birthday it all became very very eventful. First of all, on March 25th we had our first OIS girls soccer game of the season. This was kind of a shocker game for me because I actually scored a goal. You see all of last season I played defense, and I never even got near the other teams goal. I never have been much of a shooter either, so you can see why this kind of was totally unexpected to me. I'm just so happy to be able to help my awesome team out by scoring, because I totally couldn't have done it without Nani, Helin, Grace, Katerina, Hanne, Aicha, and all the other girls that were on the field with me then. In fact I couldn't have done it without any of my awesome team members that I'll never be able to thank enough!! :) So many people (like my mother, Luke, and David) missed my goal, and they were all like "I can't believe I missed it!" I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but I guess since it was the only goal scored for our team that game it kinda was a little bit of a big deal. I dunno.
That night somethig else happened that certainly brightened up my day (and my whole life presently). But for now I won't go into any details. I'll save all the info on that subject for a much later date :)
The next day was my birthday (March 26th). I turned 14!! o.O Grace was kinda disspointed because that meant she was no longer my elder, even though in reality she still is ;) But it was a fun birthday, from the most hilarious play practice (with lots of fun bday presents x] *cough* Sofie & Luke *cough*), to mi hermanito winning first place in the science fair for his class, to hanging out with some of my most special friends later that night. My friends that came over included Grace (of course :D), Hannah, Dianne, and Sofie. Nashiha, sadly, could not make it, and we missed her dearly!! :( But niether here nor there, it was a lot of fun! From karaeoke (we beat you Konnar and Noah!!), to talking at dinner, to playing Truth or Dare (lol xD Sofie smelled and rated out feet!!), to watching the Game Plan, in which I tragecly fell to sleep. I was going to attempt to pull an all-nighter with Grace, Dianne, and Hannah, since they had never done it before, but when I watch movies at nightime I tend to..... fall asleep ;) So basically I was the first one asleep :D Then the following day Miss LaMertha came into my bedroom to wake Sofie up to go to Chapel. All Sofie did was roll over and say "That's weird." It was hilrious!! Then by 11am Dianne and I thought we had to be at play practice, so we all left the house then. We were sadly mistaken because practice actually started at 12pm, so we wished we would've gotten more sleep. I also wanted to mention that I loved my birthday presents!! From Dianne I got a bar of chocolate with 10TL inside, carrying on the tradition of my dear, Military School-Going Zombie Boy, friend, Hannah Birmingham (whom I miss very much, along with my other dear friend Harim Kim!!). Hannah and Grace got me the coolest matching bday presents ever. And they got me awesome gel pens: Hannah's was sky blue, and Grace's was sparkly green. I love them both so much!! I have used Hannah's gel pen on every test I've had since then. And I used Grace's gel pen on my "cheat sheet" for my sicence midterm exam. Please note that this so called "cheat sheet" was allowed by Mrs.Schultz, my science teacher ;)
After my birthday, I discovered by my dad that he got me a new computer for my birthday. This is the best thing ever because the computer I have now (yes, its the one I am currently using), is.... well to put it nicely, its crap :P I mean it is sooooo unbelievably slow. This becomes a problem when I try to do things like open up the internet or start my computer. And especially when I try to chat with my dear friends on facebook. So I have officially decided I have the best parents ever!! (Not that I didn't think that b4 or anythin ;) ). I love them very much :)
Even though not in March (but I'm just gonna say that April 1st counts ;)) I disovered something very important. At Youth Group, this past thursday (April 1st), Missa gave her testimony to our prayer group. This also happened to include Ms.LaMertha and Ms.Schneider at the time since we are a little short on people. Missa shared how she was at a school with around 2000 Muslims and her, the only Christian. She told us how God had put in her heart that she was placed with all of those people for a reason. We later got into witnessing to other. This leas to the fact that I am one of the only Christians in my class (also there are Michael and Sam), and I am the only Christian girl in my class. I have wondered all year now why God has not given me any Christian friends in my class this year, because I really thought that I needed at least one. I have many really really good friends that are Christians (like Grace for example :)), but it sometimes gets hard since she's not in my class and we don't always have the opportunity to spend as much time with her as I'd like to. But God has shown me, through Miss LaMertha, Grace, Missa, and Miss Schneier, that he has placed me in my class with so many non-Christians and no Christian girls to be a witness to them. Miss LaMertha told me that she and all the other teachers are always praying for my class and especially me because she said she knows it is an extremely difficult class to be in. I soooo greatly appriciate that she and other teachers have been praying for me. And I sooooo greatly appriciate my dear friend Grace who is always there for me. Hugs sometimes just feel good when you are struggling or upset you know?? I dunno who really I'm talking to when I ask the reader questions like that. I guess I'm just talking to whoever is reading....
Well I know am happy to know that God had brought me to Turkey not only to learn more about him and build a stronger relationship with him. But I now know that God had brought me to Turkey to be a witness to my class. Sadly, I feel like I have really not gotten much accomplished in that area; therefore, I really do feel like I am supposed to be in Turkey longer, now for reasons other than my own will. I think it's God's will for me to stay in Turkey longer, but I don't know for sure, and sadly I do not know who long "longer" is either. But I am trying my hardest to place my trust in God with my unknown future.
In all this have been a very good past couple of weeks for me. And although I am missing some people over our current Spring Break, I am quite enjoying the relaxation that comes from not doing much of anything especially this coming Monday through Friday. I think I'm going to Nashiha's house on friday though. If I do I totally gotta bring my camera :)
But anyway, to finish off this post..... I'll just quote something. "You are my strength when I am weak." This quote from a song (All in All) really hit me today for some reason. It is so awesomely incredible that God is our strength through everything, even when we are most vulnerable and weak. And to go along with that another quote: "What God brings us to, he will get us through." So true, because not only is he our strength, but he gets us through our weakness. As I head into Easter tomorrow I really can't wait to worship Jesus for what he did for me at the cross 2000 some years ago. So many songs have touched me these past couple days "Surrounded by your glory, to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah; Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine.... yeah, I can only imagine." It is so true, I really can only imagine. Makes me wonder, what will it be like in his presence?? Also, "I love you Lord. And I lift my voice to worship you. Oh, my soul rejoice. Take joy my king, in what I bring. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear." Just the fact that I am called to love, rejoice, and take joy in God. And the fact that through my every action and word, it should be a sweet sound in God's ear. Which brings me to one last song "Over every through, over every word. May my life reflect the beauty of my Lord. You mean more to me than any Earthly thing. So won't you reign in me again!" My every thought and word should be a reflection of God. This is how I must witness to others. I certainly do not get every opportunity to share by verbally witnessing. The only other way it to be a reflection of God. I need so much help with this, and I would be heading in the complete opposite direction of this without God's help. I'm praying that my class mates will see a difference in me. I'm praying desperately that I will be able to reflect my Savior who means so much to me that I cannot bare any of the people in my class not to know about Him. "You mean more to me than any Earthly thing, so won't you reign in me again." I need God to reign in me so that I may be a witness to those around me that are not so lucky as I to know the Lord Jesus. This has gotten pretty far off topic, but that's ok because this stuff is just as important if not way more important. I hope this wa interesting.... for you.... whoever you are that's reading my blog. Chances are its Grace, but its very possible that some random person could stumble upon my blog and be reading the whole extremely long this for no apparent reason. But honestly I don't believe in coincidences. God is at work in everyone and everything :)

Winter Formal

I totally forgot to write about the winter formal!!! So here it is with a few pictures :)

This is my awesome red hair that is not actually red ;) But it looks red in the picture so I just thought it looked cool :)

Me and my sis after we got our hair done.

Meghan with the "Body Guards." lol :) that was priceless, they actually did look like security guards standing right at the entrance :)

Luke and Me

Mason and Ozde

The 7th Grade Girls

Luke, Grace, and David

Mr.Meyer and Hannah

Miss Schnieder leading the train!! :)

Hyunsung and Me

You gotta love Grace's uniqueness :D

Luke and Me

Pretty Nashiha :)

Erol Can and Melisa

Go Mason for getting Miss Kilgore to dance!!! :D

Mason dipping Grace :)

Sara dipping Grace :D lol, the faces are too funny xD

Cleaning up, and it is easy to see that Sofie has by far the hardest job ;)

Youth Group

WATT=Z is the awesomeness. I honestly could not have asked God for a better youth group and a better group of people to be around. I love youth group so much, because I get to worship God, and it is the one place where I really feel like I am around people that influence me positively, especially in relation to God. This week when we came we all switched each others jackets. I had Tim's, Sofie had Josh's, Luke had mine, Mason had Grace's, Sam had Mason's, and Josh had Sofie's, Tim had Luke's.... I don't remember whos Grace had, but either way it was all pretty funny :) We were going to watch Princess Bride, so we ate popcorn first :) It was fun, because we were all throwing it at eachother trying to aim it into each others' mouths :) Although that often failed ;) Some people *cough* *like Grace* *cough* got good at throwing it up and catching it in our own mouth :) I am..... getting better at it ;) Some people even half succeeded in doing "slam dunks" which I gotta say is kinda cheating ;) But funny also :) In the end Princess Bride ended up not working, sadly :\ But we got to have a Praise & Worship time. It was awesome :) Thats really all I can say. I mean I love praising God through song so much. Its unbelievable to me how God shows his awesomeness to me through song. And we had a praise and worship time at church on sunday too. It was amazing :) "Now I can, trade these ashes in for beauty, wear forgivness like a crown. Come to kiss the feat of mercy. I lay every burden down at the foot of the cross" (: So many good songs :) And Youth Group, Jesus Lover of My Soul Such great songs, and there are so many of them too :) Again, I can't express how much I love Youth Group. It is just such great worship and fellowship time..... always benefical :)
Thursday after school is generally when my week starts to really brighten up... YG is the reason for it :)

Auditions

Our school is putting on the musical the Wizard of Oz this year. I auditioned for the part of Dorothy, mostly because my mom wanted to me, but I did think it would be fun. I did not get the part, and I was a little dissapointed, but my friend Dianne got the part. I know she will do very well, so I am happy :) I have a very minor role as one of the Oz Girls in Emerald City. I only have three lines to memorize, which is good because it should be easy. Grace got the part of Gloria, which I know she will do well :) Also, because the Oz Girls are sort of followers of Gloria, I get to follow Grace around in the play :) lol, funness xD
Also, I was offered to be also the Stage Manager by Miss LaMertha. For this I feel very honored to be trusted so much; however, it is a very time consuming job. I really would love to do it, but I'll have to see what is best for my schedule. I really hope it will work out. Even is it does not, God always provides, which I have realized even more very recently. I have so much to learn about God.
Also I have been given an oppurtunity to babysit on a regular basis, which is good, because I am really praying that through some miracle I will be able to visit my dear friends in England this summer. In other words, I will need money to fly to England. I miss them so much. God provides, and He knows what's best for me always.

Bolu Trip 2009

The Bolu trip was awsome! I am soooooooo glad I got to go :) I had such a great time with many friends :) There were soooooo many highlights of the trip! And I think I might just have to copy Grace by numbering them ;)

Highlights:
1)Playing Truth or Dare with Grace, Sophie M., Madeline, and JiHye.
2)Sitting by the fire and talking with friends.
3)Throwing powder in Grace's face ;)

4)Picking up pinecones with Grace, Ben, and Isaac.

5)Seeing and experiencing God's beautiful creation.

6)Helping build the sandpit on the playground with Grace, Ben, and Tim.

7)Doing different odd jobs with Grace, Ben, Tim, Isaac, Meghan, and Sofie S.


8)Playing Sardines with Grace, Tim, Ben, Josh, Mason, David, Taylor, Meghan, Sofie, Sophie, and many others.
9)Playing Speed and Egyptian Rat Slap with Miss Turley, Isaac, Grace, Luke, Adam, and others.

10)Church service on Sunday.
11)The always amazing worship and fellowship.
12)Mr.Meyer's stories (especially the Justice, Mercy, Grace one).
13)Playing all the different games that Mr.Meyer taught us :D

I had a really great time :) One thing I learned it to thank God for everything. It rained on us on Sunday, and it prevented us from working farther on our different projects. But Mr. Foreman pointed out the fact that rain is such a blessing. Without rain there would be drout, there would be no water, and God blesses us with rain. Even though God gives us things we don't nessicarily like, He gives these things to us for a good reason. Thank you God for your blessings!!!!!!!!!

My Home & My Friends

God has blessed me so much, especially over these last couple years. When I moved away from England I was so upset and was deeply grieved. But I have come to learn that where God has brought me has been a major part of my life. I love Turkey. I love just about everthing about it, accept for the pollution of course. I have truely come to love Turkey. I never really had a realy home. I always have simply referred to home as the place where I am currently living. Turkey will always have a special place in my heart. Oasis International School is a truely amazing school. It feels like one big happy family wih the help of the staff and students. You can really see the Holy Spirit shining in so many of them. There is no where in the world I would rather be right now besides Ankara, Turkey. I really would love it if I had the chance to graduate at the school I hold close to my heart, Oasis. This school has influenced me in so many ways. Everything about it is comforting. I spend 52.9% of the time I'm awake at school (yes, I did the math, they taught me that much). WATTZ Youth Group, at IPCA, is also a big blessing that has made me feel comfortable in Ankara. WATTZ has so many Godly people that are a wonderful influence to me. That is the place where God told me why he brought me to Turkey. I cannot imagine leaving this place. I've been here for over 4 years now, and it has truely grown on me. People are always leaving, as the international community is like that here. But I have always been the one to watch them leave, not to say good bye myself. I have no idea how long I will stay, or how God will intervene. I am so thankful just to be here right now. I have made many of my best friends here that I'm sure I will have for the rest of my life. Harim, Sierra, Grace, I love you girls! And I'm sure God has blessed you so much for being such a great friend to me. You have really made this place a worth while place to be, and even though you are not all here in Ankara with me right now, you are closer to me than you realize. I cannot articulate how much I really miss you guys!