Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Trust

Trust is such a difficult thing. I daily struggle with trusting God, which often leads to mis-trusting others.
Not too long ago my grandad, (we call him Poppy), got in a serious car accident. When I first heard about it I was more scared than anything else. I have never lost a family memeber before, and I certainly was not ready to now. I prayed repeatedly, and I instantly started asking others for prayer, and in the days that followed. My first reaction was to panic, and I knew that I needed to pray. But, I still felt scared, taking my fears to God, but I still had a lack of trust. Not too long after I heard the bad news, I found out that he was going to be ok, even though he was seriously injured. He was driving a big truck in the accident, and a picture appeared in the news. The day after, my mom showed me the picture of his truck. The whole passenger compartment in the front looked completely crushed, and I really did not know how anyone could have survived it. It was surely a miracle from God. I found out he did have many injuries, many teeth knocked out, teeth jammed in his lip, a fractured bone in the knee area, and one of the bones in his vertebrate was broken. Also, we found of that the engine of the truck had fallen back into the passenger seat beside him. If it would have fallen on him it would have killed him.
God really does do miracles, even minor ones in our lives that we tend to ignore.
That has been a lesson of trust for me, that God can do miracles.
Also, I have been having trouble trusting God about my future for what seems like forever now. It's always up and down, thinking I know what God has planned for me, and then going right back into confusion. I am really scared of my future, and I think that is why I am having trust issues with God, yet God has proven to come through so many times, I just do not understand why I am not completely trusting God. It sounds like I should just trust God then, no problemo, ya know?? Well is is certainly not the case. Prayers appriciated. I need to trust God that he'll have me where he needs me. I'm thinking, hoping, and praying that this place God needs me for next year is Turkey. After all, I just got some very exciting news that Sevda is comming back next year!! :) Could this be why God has brought me to Turkey? So many questions with what seems like so little answers. Obviously that is not why God has brought me to Turkey if we must leave this summer. This is what scares me. I do not know exactly why God has brought me here, and placed me in the class that I am in. For a time it may have seemed like Kamelya was my purpose, and for the longest time I felt like a huge purpose in my life was to bring Kamelya to faith. As we can all see, that obviously was not God's plan, especially for that point in time. People mess up all the time, it may have been my mistake, it may have been hers. But one thing I know for sure is that God has a plan, and his purpose will be done. He is a miracle-worker. God has a plan for me, and I know I trust him with that. So from there I just need to grow closer to God. God has given me sooooo much. A great family, amazing friends :), and all types of important people in my life. And I think I have learned something from just about all of them.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Troubles, Tests, and Turmoils

Sometimes in life you feel like you are on the top of the world. It is just so hard to realize that within a day we can be knocked so far down from that. At times I get so confused, and at other times I just feel like life has defeated all that I am and all that I do.

But just some helpful reminders on:
Confusion~
"For God is not the author of confusion but of peace." 1 Corinthians 14:33
Defeat~
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
Loneliness & Fear~
"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God goes with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
Giving Up & Tiredness~
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
Grief~
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalms 23:4
Dissapointment~
"And we know that in all of these things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
Failure~
"The Godly man may fall seven times, but they will get up again." Proverbs 24:16

What would I do without having the comfort of knowing for sure that God is constantly always by my side no matter what? I honestly do not know how I'd be able to deal with life. Really, how do people do it all without God? I ask my self that every day, and I really don't know. I guess its all the more reason to be a witness of God, sharing his word and his love. I wish all my friends knew God. I wish every single person in my entire family knew God..... I wish everyone knew God..... *sigh* Even though not all of those people do, I am so unbelievably thankful for the amazing ppl in my life that do know God, those that do share my magnificent Saviour :)

~All Prayers are Appriciated~
They always are, but especially right now....

Saturday, April 3, 2010

March Madness

Ok, so March Madness totally does not account for just basketball for me. In fact it accounts for just about everything but basketball since I really am not a fan of watching any sports :P But anyway, I'm gonna write about what an awesome month I had.
To start off the month nothing much happened, but I have to say right around my birthday it all became very very eventful. First of all, on March 25th we had our first OIS girls soccer game of the season. This was kind of a shocker game for me because I actually scored a goal. You see all of last season I played defense, and I never even got near the other teams goal. I never have been much of a shooter either, so you can see why this kind of was totally unexpected to me. I'm just so happy to be able to help my awesome team out by scoring, because I totally couldn't have done it without Nani, Helin, Grace, Katerina, Hanne, Aicha, and all the other girls that were on the field with me then. In fact I couldn't have done it without any of my awesome team members that I'll never be able to thank enough!! :) So many people (like my mother, Luke, and David) missed my goal, and they were all like "I can't believe I missed it!" I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but I guess since it was the only goal scored for our team that game it kinda was a little bit of a big deal. I dunno.
That night somethig else happened that certainly brightened up my day (and my whole life presently). But for now I won't go into any details. I'll save all the info on that subject for a much later date :)
The next day was my birthday (March 26th). I turned 14!! o.O Grace was kinda disspointed because that meant she was no longer my elder, even though in reality she still is ;) But it was a fun birthday, from the most hilarious play practice (with lots of fun bday presents x] *cough* Sofie & Luke *cough*), to mi hermanito winning first place in the science fair for his class, to hanging out with some of my most special friends later that night. My friends that came over included Grace (of course :D), Hannah, Dianne, and Sofie. Nashiha, sadly, could not make it, and we missed her dearly!! :( But niether here nor there, it was a lot of fun! From karaeoke (we beat you Konnar and Noah!!), to talking at dinner, to playing Truth or Dare (lol xD Sofie smelled and rated out feet!!), to watching the Game Plan, in which I tragecly fell to sleep. I was going to attempt to pull an all-nighter with Grace, Dianne, and Hannah, since they had never done it before, but when I watch movies at nightime I tend to..... fall asleep ;) So basically I was the first one asleep :D Then the following day Miss LaMertha came into my bedroom to wake Sofie up to go to Chapel. All Sofie did was roll over and say "That's weird." It was hilrious!! Then by 11am Dianne and I thought we had to be at play practice, so we all left the house then. We were sadly mistaken because practice actually started at 12pm, so we wished we would've gotten more sleep. I also wanted to mention that I loved my birthday presents!! From Dianne I got a bar of chocolate with 10TL inside, carrying on the tradition of my dear, Military School-Going Zombie Boy, friend, Hannah Birmingham (whom I miss very much, along with my other dear friend Harim Kim!!). Hannah and Grace got me the coolest matching bday presents ever. And they got me awesome gel pens: Hannah's was sky blue, and Grace's was sparkly green. I love them both so much!! I have used Hannah's gel pen on every test I've had since then. And I used Grace's gel pen on my "cheat sheet" for my sicence midterm exam. Please note that this so called "cheat sheet" was allowed by Mrs.Schultz, my science teacher ;)
After my birthday, I discovered by my dad that he got me a new computer for my birthday. This is the best thing ever because the computer I have now (yes, its the one I am currently using), is.... well to put it nicely, its crap :P I mean it is sooooo unbelievably slow. This becomes a problem when I try to do things like open up the internet or start my computer. And especially when I try to chat with my dear friends on facebook. So I have officially decided I have the best parents ever!! (Not that I didn't think that b4 or anythin ;) ). I love them very much :)
Even though not in March (but I'm just gonna say that April 1st counts ;)) I disovered something very important. At Youth Group, this past thursday (April 1st), Missa gave her testimony to our prayer group. This also happened to include Ms.LaMertha and Ms.Schneider at the time since we are a little short on people. Missa shared how she was at a school with around 2000 Muslims and her, the only Christian. She told us how God had put in her heart that she was placed with all of those people for a reason. We later got into witnessing to other. This leas to the fact that I am one of the only Christians in my class (also there are Michael and Sam), and I am the only Christian girl in my class. I have wondered all year now why God has not given me any Christian friends in my class this year, because I really thought that I needed at least one. I have many really really good friends that are Christians (like Grace for example :)), but it sometimes gets hard since she's not in my class and we don't always have the opportunity to spend as much time with her as I'd like to. But God has shown me, through Miss LaMertha, Grace, Missa, and Miss Schneier, that he has placed me in my class with so many non-Christians and no Christian girls to be a witness to them. Miss LaMertha told me that she and all the other teachers are always praying for my class and especially me because she said she knows it is an extremely difficult class to be in. I soooo greatly appriciate that she and other teachers have been praying for me. And I sooooo greatly appriciate my dear friend Grace who is always there for me. Hugs sometimes just feel good when you are struggling or upset you know?? I dunno who really I'm talking to when I ask the reader questions like that. I guess I'm just talking to whoever is reading....
Well I know am happy to know that God had brought me to Turkey not only to learn more about him and build a stronger relationship with him. But I now know that God had brought me to Turkey to be a witness to my class. Sadly, I feel like I have really not gotten much accomplished in that area; therefore, I really do feel like I am supposed to be in Turkey longer, now for reasons other than my own will. I think it's God's will for me to stay in Turkey longer, but I don't know for sure, and sadly I do not know who long "longer" is either. But I am trying my hardest to place my trust in God with my unknown future.
In all this have been a very good past couple of weeks for me. And although I am missing some people over our current Spring Break, I am quite enjoying the relaxation that comes from not doing much of anything especially this coming Monday through Friday. I think I'm going to Nashiha's house on friday though. If I do I totally gotta bring my camera :)
But anyway, to finish off this post..... I'll just quote something. "You are my strength when I am weak." This quote from a song (All in All) really hit me today for some reason. It is so awesomely incredible that God is our strength through everything, even when we are most vulnerable and weak. And to go along with that another quote: "What God brings us to, he will get us through." So true, because not only is he our strength, but he gets us through our weakness. As I head into Easter tomorrow I really can't wait to worship Jesus for what he did for me at the cross 2000 some years ago. So many songs have touched me these past couple days "Surrounded by your glory, to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah; Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine.... yeah, I can only imagine." It is so true, I really can only imagine. Makes me wonder, what will it be like in his presence?? Also, "I love you Lord. And I lift my voice to worship you. Oh, my soul rejoice. Take joy my king, in what I bring. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear." Just the fact that I am called to love, rejoice, and take joy in God. And the fact that through my every action and word, it should be a sweet sound in God's ear. Which brings me to one last song "Over every through, over every word. May my life reflect the beauty of my Lord. You mean more to me than any Earthly thing. So won't you reign in me again!" My every thought and word should be a reflection of God. This is how I must witness to others. I certainly do not get every opportunity to share by verbally witnessing. The only other way it to be a reflection of God. I need so much help with this, and I would be heading in the complete opposite direction of this without God's help. I'm praying that my class mates will see a difference in me. I'm praying desperately that I will be able to reflect my Savior who means so much to me that I cannot bare any of the people in my class not to know about Him. "You mean more to me than any Earthly thing, so won't you reign in me again." I need God to reign in me so that I may be a witness to those around me that are not so lucky as I to know the Lord Jesus. This has gotten pretty far off topic, but that's ok because this stuff is just as important if not way more important. I hope this wa interesting.... for you.... whoever you are that's reading my blog. Chances are its Grace, but its very possible that some random person could stumble upon my blog and be reading the whole extremely long this for no apparent reason. But honestly I don't believe in coincidences. God is at work in everyone and everything :)

Monday, March 8, 2010

Winter Formal

I totally forgot to write about the winter formal!!! So here it is with a few pictures :)

This is my awesome red hair that is not actually red ;) But it looks red in the picture so I just thought it looked cool :)

Me and my sis after we got our hair done.

Meghan with the "Body Guards." lol :) that was priceless, they actually did look like security guards standing right at the entrance :)

Luke and Me

Mason and Ozde

The 7th Grade Girls

Luke, Grace, and David

Mr.Meyer and Hannah

Miss Schnieder leading the train!! :)

Hyunsung and Me

You gotta love Grace's uniqueness :D

Luke and Me

Pretty Nashiha :)

Erol Can and Melisa

Go Mason for getting Miss Kilgore to dance!!! :D

Mason dipping Grace :)

Sara dipping Grace :D lol, the faces are too funny xD

Cleaning up, and it is easy to see that Sofie has by far the hardest job ;)

Youth Group

WATT=Z is the awesomeness. I honestly could not have asked God for a better youth group and a better group of people to be around. I love youth group so much, because I get to worship God, and it is the one place where I really feel like I am around people that influence me positively, especially in relation to God. This week when we came we all switched each others jackets. I had Tim's, Sofie had Josh's, Luke had mine, Mason had Grace's, Sam had Mason's, and Josh had Sofie's, Tim had Luke's.... I don't remember whos Grace had, but either way it was all pretty funny :) We were going to watch Princess Bride, so we ate popcorn first :) It was fun, because we were all throwing it at eachother trying to aim it into each others' mouths :) Although that often failed ;) Some people *cough* *like Grace* *cough* got good at throwing it up and catching it in our own mouth :) I am..... getting better at it ;) Some people even half succeeded in doing "slam dunks" which I gotta say is kinda cheating ;) But funny also :) In the end Princess Bride ended up not working, sadly :\ But we got to have a Praise & Worship time. It was awesome :) Thats really all I can say. I mean I love praising God through song so much. Its unbelievable to me how God shows his awesomeness to me through song. And we had a praise and worship time at church on sunday too. It was amazing :) "Now I can, trade these ashes in for beauty, wear forgivness like a crown. Come to kiss the feat of mercy. I lay every burden down at the foot of the cross" (: So many good songs :) And Youth Group, Jesus Lover of My Soul Such great songs, and there are so many of them too :) Again, I can't express how much I love Youth Group. It is just such great worship and fellowship time..... always benefical :)
Thursday after school is generally when my week starts to really brighten up... YG is the reason for it :)

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Valentines Day

I know it is a lot later than February 14th at this point, but I have not been on my blog in a while, so I am going to write a little about my Valetines Day :)
I had the best Valentines Day of my life this year. I had soooooo much fun snowboarding with Luke, Meghan, Josh, Noah, Konnar, and my Dad. And of course Mr.Bruton was skiing, but sorry Mr.Bruton, that is not quite as awesome as snowboarding. My mom and Mrs.Bruton sat inside watching us, and I'm sure they were chatting ;) but I do think Mrs.Bruton went skiing a little at the beginning of the day.
At the beginning of the day, when we were all getting our snowboards on, Josh said he did not want to go first because he didn't want to crash first. So he waited for Konnar to go, and he figured if Konnar went first he would not be the first one to crash. So Konnar went, and Josh waited a little bit so that he could go. it was so funny, because literally 5 seconds after he got up, he fell right back down!! :) He ended up being the first one to fall after all :)
Another time I was 'boarding down with Luke, and my dad was on the lift. He passed by and shouted "Kalista! Luke! Don't fall!" It was hilarious, because I knew I was going to fall, and then right after I fell Luke fell too! It was too funny, if that would have been on video we so could have won America's Funniest Home Videos :D
A lot of funny things happened. In all, it was a very fun day, and I learned how to turn on my toes!!! Although, I am sure to those of you that are non-snowboarders, that remark makes little to no sense. On the way home Noah wanted to ride with Konnar, so I road home in the Bruton's car. Josh was falling asleep, and he has his shoes off with his legs streched across the whole car. His feet were leaning diagonally on the seat that Mrs.Bruton was sitting in. Luke and I were laughing because if Mrs.Bruton would have turned around she would have had Josh's feet right in her face. If that actually did happen I would feel very sorry for her, because I would not exactly say Josh has the sweetest smelling feet :P :) We also watched the Wizard of Oz in the car. And Luke gave me some Starburst for Valentines Day :) He also gave me a bag of trash :) lol, but that was a joke :D
I was so tired after that day, but it was worth it :) So much fun!! An unforgetable Valentines Day :)

Auditions

Our school is putting on the musical the Wizard of Oz this year. I auditioned for the part of Dorothy, mostly because my mom wanted to me, but I did think it would be fun. I did not get the part, and I was a little dissapointed, but my friend Dianne got the part. I know she will do very well, so I am happy :) I have a very minor role as one of the Oz Girls in Emerald City. I only have three lines to memorize, which is good because it should be easy. Grace got the part of Gloria, which I know she will do well :) Also, because the Oz Girls are sort of followers of Gloria, I get to follow Grace around in the play :) lol, funness xD
Also, I was offered to be also the Stage Manager by Miss LaMertha. For this I feel very honored to be trusted so much; however, it is a very time consuming job. I really would love to do it, but I'll have to see what is best for my schedule. I really hope it will work out. Even is it does not, God always provides, which I have realized even more very recently. I have so much to learn about God.
Also I have been given an oppurtunity to babysit on a regular basis, which is good, because I am really praying that through some miracle I will be able to visit my dear friends in England this summer. In other words, I will need money to fly to England. I miss them so much. God provides, and He knows what's best for me always.