Visiting Appomattox

This past Saturday, Carolyn and I visited Appomattox Court House National Historic Park. Not only was it full of interactive and rich Civil War-era history, but it is also free to go and visit any time they are open. Because it has been so long since I learned about this time period in history class, I did not realize Appomattox was the site where General Robert E. Lee surrendered to General Ulysses S. Grant which ended the Civil War. It is incredible that the place the Civil War ended is only a 30-minute drive outside of Lynchburg!

It was a lot of fun to roam around the historic town and learn about different parts of the Civil War. The Courthouse has been turned into a museum with lots of information, artifacts, and paintings from all over the country telling the narrative of the War. One of the most fascinating parts was reading letters from soldiers to their loved ones; you could really begin to understand what he was going through mentally and emotionally.

We were also able to visit the County Jailhouse, the Tavern, and the McLean House. The Jailhouse was fun to explore, and it was interesting thinking about the kinds of war prisoners that might have been locked up all that time ago. The Tavern also had lots of plaques, information, and paintings to take in. There was a printing press in the Tavern; I thought that was an interesting place to have a printing press, but I suppose that is where people gathered at the time to pass on information. I found it especially interesting reading about Lincoln’s assassination. Because the letter was from a Confederate soldier, he spoke happily about Lincoln’s death. It was shocking because most things you read about Lincoln are positive, and I had never thought about it from the perspective of the Confederacy before.

The last place we visited was the McLean House. They were obviously a wealthy family; their kitchen and slaves’ quarters were located behind the house. However, this House was most interesting because the sitting room was where General Lee actually signed the surrender. It was very cool to see the painting of the surrender alongside the room itself. It looked very similar to how they had the room set up to look like. The slaves’ quarters were interesting because they were not as cramped and run down as most people would think they would be. I think because it was likely the quarters for the slaves who did the housework instead of those who worked in the fields, they probably lived in a little nicer conditions.

It ended up being a beautiful day, and it was a great place to walk around and learn more about history. They also have tours you can take and storytellings you can attend. The storytellers are dressed up in period costumes and speak in antiquated English. It was fun to experience– almost like a mini-Williamsburg! I would definitely recommend going to visit.

Senior Year

So it is the beginning of my senior year, and I have discovering this thing called 'Pinterest'. I am not so sure yet if this is a good or a bad thing, but I seem to be wasting a lot of time on it. There are many great pictures to 're-pin' that are funny, inspirational quotes, great recipes, clothing ideas, etc. There is also this concept that is somewhat new to me of having a 'Bucket List'. Essentially this is just a list of things that you want to do before you die. Looking through different Bucket List pictures makes me feel two very different things. On one hand there are many Bucket List pictures of things that I have done or experienced, and it makes me feel pretty accomplished. On the other hand, there are so many pictures that are of things that are currently out of my reach or will not happen for a long time if ever. Those pictures make me feel young, little, inexperienced. It is all a scary though I guess when I think about I am right on the line of being a teen-aged kid and growing up. I have just begun my very last year of high school as of August 27th, 2012, and I am both very excited and very scared. I have named several of my posts on my blog something along the lines of 'Life as I Know It', and what scares me the most is that "Life as I Know It" is about to drastically change. Change is always something that I have never particularly liked. Although it is something that I've never particularly disliked either. Really what scares me the most about this particular change is that I am the one changing; I am growing up. Most of my life I have been more or less the same kind of person. I was always that person that people would see years later and say, "You haven't changed a bit!!" But now I feel like I am the one changing, not the people or the world around me. I know that I am in the process of making a lot of life-altering decisions, and its a scary thought. It makes me thankful that I have a God who loves me for who I really am and is watching over me through all of this. As I look for answers from Him I wonder how much of what I want or what I think is the right thing to do comes from the desire He placed in my heart, or if it comes from me making an emotion-based conclusion that could be ever changing. The other day I came across this verse in Psalms 27:14, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." It really hit me that I just need to be patient and wait for God's perfect timing in all these decisions that I often feel like I need an answer to right NOW. It's hard to wait when you just want all of these "problems" to be solved, but I know that God is just teaching me a lesson of patience. I just need to hold to the reminder that God's timing is perfect. It isn't easy; it never is. I had a good reminder of that in a Bible class I'm taking at school when my teacher reminded us that believers are promised that they will suffer. That is sometimes a hard thing to grasp. But is it worth it? Yes.

Life As I Know It (2)

For some reason I only think to write on my blog in the worst of times for the most part. Often it is to write about things in hope that someone will read them, but at the same time not everyone will read them like they would if I post them on facebook or twitter or basically anywhere else. It is out there for anyone to read and yet few people will come across what I have to say. It is a chance to impact a few, whether positively or negatively, and that sometimes makes me wonder how I come across to people who don’t know me.

Nothing has changed since the last time I wrote. If anything, things have only gotten worse. It is like: at the times when you most want to feel wanted, even just by the first person you come across, you are rejected. Not necessarily even in an intentionally hurtful way. We are always hit when we are weakest, intended to be knocked down. Intended to be demolished and broken by the Devil. But that is one of the reasons why God is here. He is our strength when we are weak (always). He is our hope when we are hopeless (always). He is our guide when we are pathless (always). He is our courage when we are fearful (always). He is our comforter when we feel alone. But most importantly He is our savior. Because we will fall. We will fail. We will be afraid. We will feel alone. We will feel powerless, heartless, and hopeless. We are bound to all of these things, which is why it is so important that God became our Savior. He saved us from these things. Only in Him can we escape these things. God is more than just significant; He is everything.

And that is why I know, even in these worst of times, that God is my Savior, and so it will be ok.

Life As I Know It

Whoever said ignorance is bliss had no idea what they were talking about. Not only is ignorance not bliss, but it is also extremely frsutrating, stressful, and harmful to many parts of your life. Especially when it comes to your relationships with other people.

Life right now is not exactly what I would call happy. When pretty much the only person that ever talks to you during the school day is ignoring you and you sit in the middle of the classroom by yourself, clueless about what your doing, and alone. And then you sit and think, and the more you think the more it hurts and the more you wish you could be apathetic. No one ever said it was mature to ingore someone, or to deny that you are ignoring someone that you clearly are, and definitely no one ever said it was loving and forgiving and compassionate. Annoying more and more people seems to be a constant unintentional thing that I do to people. The problem is that people assume that the annoyance is completely intentional or something, either that or they are faulting me for not being perfect as if I could help it. That really frustrates me, not being able to become perfect, always falling, always failing, no matter how much I plead with God to help me never being able to be perfect in this sinful body of mine with my digustingly sinful nature. It is a struggle, and to some may seem stupid, but it is a legit struggle for me in my life. Nor does it help when the imperfect people around me seem to highlight my imperfections to even a greater extent. God help me.

I was reading a devotional study that I am trying to go through, and I came across something that rather struck me. The saying 'Life isn't fair' is rather a horrible thing. People have a sense of justice. And just because life might not be fair does not mean that you should act unfairly. God is just. It says so in 2 Thessalonias 1:6, "God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you." And this is God we are talking about, PERFECTION. Why should we intentionally act unjustly toward others? Everyone knows that when you act unfairly it has bad consequences, it opens us up to disappointment, dishonor, and shame. Now friends may be difficult, but to act justly toward them is honoring to God. That does not mean that if the slap you in the face you need to slap them back, because in reality that is revenge not justice, and therefore the right thing to do may be to show mercy. We need to ask God for the wisdom to know what to do and to not act unjustly.

This song has made me cry many times before, and yet it has a sort of sorrowful comfort in it:
Oh, and when I am alone.
Oh, and when I am alone.
Oh, and when I am alone,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus!
Give me Jesus!
Oh, and when I am alone,
Give me Jesus.

Busy

My December month while school is still going on is going to be incredibly busy.
Dec. 1st - Taekwondo PreTest & Voice Recital Rehearsal
Dec. 2nd - Advanced Drama Class Production
Dec. 4th - Harim's Birthday & Voice Recital
Dec. 6th - Taekwondo Demonstration and Belt Changing Test & Voice Lessons
Dec. 9th - Dad's Birthday & School Winter Concert
Dec. 14th - Youth Group Christmas Party
now add all the usual ECAs I have everyday into that schedule as well as a few lunch time play rehearsals and school work in multitudes (since of course teachers will be making us had stuff in and give lots of tests and quizes before we get a vacation). Also in all my free time I have to figure out when I can read a book report book in the next two weeks.... *cough* *cough* But Christmas time is almost here!! I love Christmas; it's my favorite holiday. This year we are going to Spain & Andorra for a week or so, and then we are also going to Italy (snowboarding in the Alps) with the Brutons for about a week. Fun stuff :)

Friends

God made us to have relationships with one another. God has given me some of the most amazing friends in the entire world. And because life is not easy and I am far from a perfect person, these friendships certainly do not always go "right" or "as planned". But I know with all my heart that my best friends are forever. We may fight, argue, cry, ignore, compete, be stubborn, unsympathetic, insult, or hurt one another, but I know that those things could only end up bringing us closer. I am certain that God did not just put these amazing people in my life for me to use and dispose of. My friends are truely God-given, because in my hardest times those are most of the people that God used to help me cope, and I can only hope that God uses me in the same way for them. I heard an expression once that said something like:"What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." Sometimes I think that's exactly how God uses the 'bad' situations. Having friends like I do is enough proof in and of itself for me to believe in a loving God. Thank you God. Especially for Harim and Grace, because they have done more for me in the past couple years than I can even comprehend. Gotta luv those besties <3

The Best News I've Had..... Since Like Last Time :)

So I just have had the most amazing thing happen to me like ever :) I just want all you peoples of the world to know that once again I happen to be dating the most amazing guy ever :) So yeah, you know that guy? Luke? Well.... he's mine :D